


Covered in Ichor

by WatchforWitches



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Introspection, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 23:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18679171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchforWitches/pseuds/WatchforWitches
Summary: Tomorrow, he will fuss, and check Alec for wounds that the shadowhunter will swear are nothing. Tomorrow he can worry about his boyfriend like he always will, but tonight, all their memories playing in his head, he just watches him sleep.





	Covered in Ichor

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my writing folder for months. I'm not really sure what it is, I wrote it quickly when I was emotional about how far Magnus and Alec have come. So, enjoy this introspection heavy fic.

"What's it like to come home covered in ichor every night?" Magnus chuckles when Alec's lips meet him in a soft greeting he never imagined himself deserving.

Alec leans back from the kiss and blinks himself awake, eyes lulled and sleepy. He looks down at himself when he finally realizes what Magnus had asked. "Oh I don't know," Alec spoke softly, "I thought death was a good look on me."

Magnus laughs, a laugh that was pulled easily to the surface, a laugh that said there were more where that came from. It was easy in a way that nothing had ever been easy for Magnus. It was something new, but something that felt old; Like Magnus had been waiting his whole life for it, and now it was finally here.

He felt such an intense feeling in his heart, it was almost breaking, but it hurt in the best way. It was shedding years of breaks that twisted Magnus' stomach to think of. It was making itself open and new for this shadowhunter whose nose scrunched up at the smell of ichor covering him.

"Hmm," Magnus hummed from the back of his throat. "Now you know I like how you smell all the time Alexander, but I must admit, freshly showered suits you much better than the whole guts and gore thing you shadowhunters seem to love so much."

It was said with a giddiness Magnus had never known his voice to have. There was a difference between his feigned charm he played up for clients and the easy charm that Alec pulled from him.

And hadn't Alec called him out on it before? Before his wedding, when Magnus wanted the shadowhunter to choose himself for once in his whole life.

_This is all just a game to you isn't it?_

No, he had wanted to say, it just seems that way, I'm out of practice. Every word I say to you I mean, it feels important in a way nothing has for a long time. Let me prove it to you.

_You flirt, you laugh, you use magic_   
_But at the end of the day what do you risk?_

You're right, he wanted to laugh. He had become a coward with his own heart. It had become something of a show to him, he supposed, at some point throughout the last decade. To use his wit, charm and magic to showboat, to conceal everything below the surface, to keep his heart locked away.

_Even if I did feel something for you, you want me to give up my life for you?_

No, he had wanted to say, I want you to give up your life for you. This fake life that you have built where everything is on your shoulders, where everything is your fault. I want you to give that up for you, I want you to be happy.

Now, he watched as Alec slunk away from his grasp, and it wasn't the same as it was. It wasn't him leaving with a sheild up, it wasn't him leaving and not coming back. He was leaving Magnus to go and strip off his ichor covered clothing, step into Magnus' hot shower, and come back in the sweats that had made their home in Magnus' sock drawer. It wasn't leaving, it was a movement of confident clarity, a feeling of security.

Magnus had never imagined the hole that was gaping in his heart would be filled by a shadowhunter, much less a Lightwood of them all. He hadn't even noticed that the hole was getting all that big until someone started to stitch it closed, and he realized how long it might take. How patient and careful Alec would have to be with him at times, how he would have to do the same with Alec.

They were both starved in different ways. They both bore different wounds.

Alec had started to learn that he could ask for what he wanted, unlearn all the toxic thoughts that held him back. Magnus had started to learn that it was okay to be vulnerable, that this time it wouldn't end badly for him.

Every single time he had opened his heart up to Alec, had shown him a different part of his past, Alec made him forget everyone who had ever stopped loving him. His demon eyes were beautiful, powerful, something that drove Alec crazy. His parentage wasn't him, wasn't a problem. His past was just that, his past. Alec had seen every wound splayed open and chose everytime to love them all.

Magnus supposes, with an almost staggering amount of clarity, that he had done the same for Alec, in his own ways. Alec had been repressed and closeted when they met, a ticking time bomb to nobody else's eye but Magnus. He had known the look someone has in their eye when they are very near the edge of something, when they have given all they have into preserving a facade. Magnus had seen it in the mirror enough to know the pain Alec had harboured behind those eyes.

Now, all he could hear was the spray of the shower a room over, and Alec mumbling the words to a song the two had listened to the night previous. It was strange to think that in such a short time they had gone from strangers to this.

Magnus supposes he had been self centered in a way he never fully understood until now. He had only been concerned with himself for so long. He spiralled into himself so that when he boiled over, he was the only one with the burns to prove it.

He had gotten very good at playing the part of personal medic. Very good at making his pain well and truly his. There was much less fallout that way, but he knew it couldn't last forever. You can only heal yourself so many times before you run out of clean bandages and denial. You can only isolate yourself so much until someone notices you've left the island completely.

Alec had been an island all on his own. He had somehow managed to isolate himself so carefully, nobody noticed it. He had extracted himself from his life while remaining fully enough in it that anyone around him couldn't feel the chasm of distance he carried inside him.

Magnus had been the one to feel the void in him. He hadn't been the first one to try and heal Alec, but he was the first one that reached out in a way that Alec could understand. Alec, Magnus learned early enough on, was a physical person. He relied fully on his body and things in the physical world to ground him. It's just that up until Magnus, it had all been pain.

When Magnus realized this, he discovered how truly touch starved Alec was. Not just because he was a virgin, or had never kissed anyone. Alec had never had someone to grasp his hand when he got that far away look in his eyes. Nobody had ever walked up behind him and wrapped their arms around his long torso. No one had ever carded their fingers through his hair while he fell asleep. No, sex wasn't the be all or end all of Alec's hunger.

Even when they did have sex for the first time, it was something slow, and meticulous, something that was pleasurable but quantifiable. When they had sex it was about Magnus making Alec realize that the fact no one had ever kissed his neck was a travesty, or a crime that no one had ever nibbled on his earlobes until he couldn't hold his giggles and squirms anymore. Magnus loved watching and Alec came apart under or above him; but he also loved when Alec had a bad day at the institute and all he wanted when he was home was to pin Magnus to the nearest surface and devour him. It was like a sea current, the way Alec managed to pull him in. And Magnus learned that perhaps he too had been starved, perhaps all the casual touches he offered to ground Alec also grounded him in return.

Whatever the truth he can't imagine any part of his day without Alec leaking into his thoughts. This used to terrify him, and his friends. Magnus had the kind of all consuming love that overtook every part of him. It's the kind of love that alters him, everytime, in little ways. But its also the kind of love that when people leave behind, he's left a shell. Catarina and Ragnor had a look that they shared when Magnus went to them shattered, the worry that this would be the time that Magnus closed his heart forever.

And he had, for a short time at least. Loneliness was an ache that he could compartmentalize, adapt to conceal.

But Alec never left, he just said that he had felt the same, the tug to be with him also as strong.

And its the first time the pull in Magnus' chest doesn't feel like a bomb, doesn't feel like war and destruction. Its the first time it feels like a simple magnet, drawing in the one he loves. And Alec always responds to this, even on bad days, even on days where their fights feel like fists, Alec always pulls Magnus to him in sleep, body cocooning itself around Magnus to keep him safe.

"There," Alec strod back into the room, "All traces of ichor are gone. I even cleaned behind my ears." He smirked as he fell next to Magnus on the couch, wrapping his long arms around him.

"Mmm," Magnus sighed when Alec sunk next to him, wrap from the shower and smelling of soap and sandalwood. "What did I ever do to deserve you."

Alec put a hand to his chin, feigned thinking at the question, "I'm not too sure," he replied easily, "The list is too long to choose what one warrants a warm clean shadowhunter in your arms. Its a very long list Magnus."

Magnus chuckled at this, "Oh do tell," he kissed Alec then, "I love you," he said, voice soft and syrupy.

"Love you too," Alec replied drowsily. "Let's go to bed."

Magnus looked up and realized it was very late, the hunt Alec had been on had gone far into the night and early dregs of morning. "Yes," he agreed, "Let's do that."

Tomorrow, he will fuss, and check Alec for wounds that the shadowhunter will swear are nothing. Tomorrow he will heal him carefully and then press him into the mattress, reiterate to him that his body is his and his life is impossibly important. But for now he lets himself be guided to bed, and lays himself down next to Alec, kissing him softly before Alec closes his eyes and is out like a light. Tomorrow he can worry about his boyfriend like he always will, but tonight, all their memories playing in his head, he just watches him sleep.

How did he get so lucky indeed. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos/feedback if you enjoued I would really appreciate it!


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